How to keep your relationship strong if your child struggles at school
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How to keep your Relationship with your Teen Strong if they are Struggling at School - Episode 070
When your child is struggling at school, it can be difficult to maintain a pleasant relationship with your teen and help them at school. Wouldn’t it be easier if they just listened to what you had to say?
Deep down, you know your kiddo is awesome. However, when the pressure from the school starts, and you feel the need to fix the situation so that your child can fit in, it can become a frustrating experience for both of you.
Listen to this week’s episode of School Counselor Gone Rogue where we discuss five things parents can do to help your relationship with your child thrive even if school is a struggle.
1. Make a list of their strengths and pick one to really celebrate
After a rough day at school, home is their safe place. This is the place they should look forward to coming back to. When they’re failing or struggling, they should never be scared of coming to you for help. Amidst their struggles, if you become another person they don’t want to deal with, someone they are always arguing with, then we have a broken relationship at hand.
This doesn’t mean you have to become best friends with your child. That you can’t scold them and have to support every decision they make, even the wrong ones. It just means that they should know whatever happens in life, they will always have an ally in you. Maybe you aren’t perfect - but you are there.
How do we do that?
Start with listing their strengths. We know they are good at many things but when we are stressed about their missing assignments and failing grades, we tend to overlook these qualities and only focus on the negative.
What are some of the things you admire about them? Something you yourself can’t do and it amazes you that it comes so easily to your child? Pick an activity from this list and try to celebrate it with them. If they’re good at tennis, try and have a match with them.If they’re good at drawing, ask them if they want to show you their work. Maybe you can go to a sports match together. Choose something and celebrate it with them.
It can be healing for you too. When you’re constantly getting negative feedback from the school, doing these activities can be an amazing reminder that there is a life outside of school and that your child is awesome.
2. Pick your battles
When school comes to you with a bunch of issues about your kid, it could be related to academics or behavior, and your first instinct is to try and solve all of them at once. Maybe that isn’t such a good idea.
How about we pick our battles? Just one thing we want to solve at first. When we focus on a bunch of things, it simply appears as if we’re nagging. When your words are considered as nagging, children automatically tune you out.
Maybe it’s hard as a parent, but tackling one thing at a time makes the pathway smoother than trying to fix a bunch of things.
3. Determine when you need to be a raving fan or a tough love entourage
Ask yourself who you need to be for your child. Do you want to be the always-supportive parent or do you have to be the one who shows a little tough love to get things done? We’re not talking about the bad cop, good cop thing where one parent is always nice while the other is meting out punishments.
This is a way more fluid option. Here, you have to think about what topics, what behavioral issues you can solve with a cool head.
To learn more about whether you are the raving fan or tough love entourage, listen to this week’s episode of School Counselor Gone Rogue. You can listen by clicking above or subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher or your favorite podcast platform!
4. Ask what you did for your relationship this week.
Think about what you did with your kid this week. Did you have a fun time with them that didn’t involve discussing the reports from school? What is something you did together that had a positive effect on both of you?
If the scales are tipped more to the negative than the positive, well, the week hasn’t passed yet, right?
It doesn’t have to be something big. It doesn’t even have to be something like buying them ice cream. You could simply have a nice conversation with them about something that doesn’t involve school. You can just lounge on the bed with them for a while. Anything that counts as fun for both of you.
5. Give yourself a cookie.
And lastly, indulge yourself with some cookies. Celebrate your accomplishments. In fact, even if you haven’t made any progress with your child yet, just celebrate. The fact that you’re trying to be a good parent is enough reason to give yourself a cookie.
In Closing
Parents, remember this: When all the tests are done. When the homework is turned in. When school is in the rearview mirror -you and your kiddo still have each other. What state do you want that relationship to be in?
The school years can be tough, and it’s important that parents take care of themselves in addition to their children. If you need a community of awesome parents to get you through this journey, get on the waitlist for The Parent Lab by clicking here!
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Highlights
How to help your child if they are failing a class
Maintaining your cool if you are fighting with your teen
How to help your relationship with your child when they are not enjoying school
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Marni Pasch| Host of School Counselor Gone Rogue| Academic Coach | Team Pasch Academic Coaching
I work with students in grades 6th and higher, who struggle with academic confidence and motivation. I help them survive school with less stress by helping them create concrete goals, tackle procrastination and learn creative study techniques. I empower students to take charge of their education and reach their goals. I do this through individual or group coaching so students achieve success in life, school, career readiness and their social endeavors. I provided in person academic coaching in Orlando, FL, but work with students across the country through Zoom!
