How Do We Motivate Students?
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What to do if your Child Lacks Motivation - Episode 062
Why does my child lack motivation? How can I get my child motivated? Why are my students not completing homework? So many parents have asked my opinion, as an academic coach, on these questions. Often, the concern is that lack of motivation now is going to repeat as an adult. Parents want their kids to do well academically so that their future is smoother.
The key to this is helping students understand the connection between hard work and success. Which brings up the next question naturally. How to motivate students, especially the struggling ones?
We’ve prepared some tips for you!
Be Clear in Your Intentions
Before we tackle our own kid’s lack of motivation, we need to be clear on what we expect from them. We, as parents, need to sort out our feelings. Why do we think our children are on the path to destruction and what changes in behavior would we see that would indicate their path was changing?
Are we worried due to their grades? If their grades are poor, what do we want their reaction to be? Do we want them to feel down and cry their eyes out? Or do we want them to acknowledge they haven’t done their best this semester? For them to come up with a new study plan that will be effective for them?
How do we want our children to react? Often, we tend to get infuriated at their lack of response. It comes across as them not caring about their school work. However, we fail to understand that, in most cases, they do care. Their silence might be a way to protect themselves from the stress they are feeling.
Is Your Child’s Silence a Defense Mechanism?
Kids tend to shut down instead of expressing their emotions. Adults do so too. It is what it is, a defense mechanism. Now, we aren’t saying there aren’t kids who don’t have any interest in good grades but is it possible that their lack of response suggests they do care?
A lot of the times, they have gotten so used to underperforming and continuously being belittled for it, they stop believing they can do better. Kids know the goals that have been set out for them academically, and when they don’t reach it, it can hurt to realize they’ve disappointed others as well as themselves. The competition that teachers and parents impose by comparing them to their peers doesn’t help either.
We have to consider that failing grades do matter to them, and they’re showing it, but it is being expressed in their way. When you try to provoke a reaction out of them, it only causes them to shut down further.
This is why we need to know the reaction you’re looking for from your kid. Maybe all you want is for them to have a plan. Perhaps not even a plan, just an agreement on how their grades are a little behind than desired and what they can do about it.
You have to remember; it’s not easy for a child to suddenly take control of their life. They can be frustrated with their grades as well, but they don’t know what to do or where they should go for help. It doesn’t even come to them that they should take the initiative, partly because they think they wouldn’t do well either way.
Try to have a level headed conversation with them. Articulate into words what you wish they would do when their grades aren’t up to par. Then listen to their response.
Where Can Your Child Find Motivation?
Another thing you need to consider is their school. Students these days face teacher burnouts, have to deal with a class filled with so many students that they never get any special attention on their work.
What is the method of teaching? Are the students expected to memorize their textbook, learn things at a basic level, and spit out during tests? Is there any incentive to do more? To understand the subject? Maybe they aren’t getting the challenge they need for their schoolwork. Perhaps they get too used to being the smart kid who can ace any subject that when they do reach a stage they don’t know, they give up.
Then we need to work with them. Maybe their source of motivation isn’t going to come from school work alone. Have you considered any passion they have? Anything they can do outside of academics? School isn’t always the answer to everything.
Motivation can be gained from other sources. If they have a passion for certain hobbies outside of school, see if you can pull the connection between their outside interests and the classroom.
Finding the connection between hard work and success might not come from school- but if our end goal is showing that hard work pays off, does it doesn’t matter where it is coming from? We aren’t saying that you should let them neglect their school work-but maybe if your goal is to see a passionate kid, there are other outlets one can hit up.
In the end, it boils down to an honest conversation between parents and the kid. Don’t hound them with expectations. Instead, look for avenues they can achieve success in. The most significant source of motivation will always be a dream they want to grab.
In Closing
Motivation is not something given away in a bottle or a parenting book. There is no one size fits all model. However, after years of working with students as an academic coach, I have found that if a kiddo is believed to lack motivation—they typically have it—we just need to explore what triggers it and how to connect it to school.
Listen to the full episode for more tips and front line stories of the transition to middle school. You can subscribe to the show on iTunes, Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Googleplay, or Iheartradio or visit http://www.schoolcounselorgonerogue.com each week for the full episode (though let’s be honest, subscribing is so much easier!)
You can also sign up for the waitlist for The Organized School Year at teampasch.com/theorganizedschoolyear. It’s an intensive workshop to help your child create and implement an organization system that meets their needs.
Sign up for the waitlist here!
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Highlights
How to help teenager build motivation
Why is your child not motivated at school?
Why are children unmotivated?
Marni Pasch| Host of School Counselor Gone Rogue| Academic Coach | Team Pasch Academic Coaching
I work with students in grades 6th and higher, who struggle with academic confidence and motivation. I help them survive school with less stress by helping them create concrete goals, tackle procrastination and learn creative study techniques. I empower students to take charge of their education and reach their goals. I do this through individual or group coaching so students achieve success in life, school, career readiness and their social endeavors. I provided in person academic coaching in Orlando, FL, but work with students across the country through Zoom!
