What to do when you feel like a parenting failure?
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Stop feeling like a Parenting Failure - Episode 064
When we look around at all the successful school students and their parents, it’s easy to feel like a parenting failure. To assume you’re the only one who doesn’t have a united family.
When you feel less than stellar, it gets harder to handle the already complicated family dynamics. It’s vital that we genuinely analyze what’s happening around us. That we look at the events around us honestly. And maybe, we will be well on our way to a positive parenting mindset.
When we look at the kids of other parents or ask ourselves why we aren’t doing things the way other parents are, we are inevitably comparing ourselves to them. Now, it’s easy to say that we simply shouldn’t compare ourselves to others.
That doesn’t really help, though? It doesn’t help us look into the issue or feel any better.
How Does Social Media Influence Parenting
These days, it’s too easy to get lost on our social media feed. Everyone’ you look at seems to have a better life than you. If we take time to connect to the people around us, we will realize that not everything makes its way to Facebook feed.
Most people aren’t willing to share the ugly, nasty part of their lives. Only picturesque situations find their way through. We take a look at this seemingly perfect life on social media and assume that it is the truth. Those people have every part of their life sorted while we are struggling.
Here’s the truth. Every student and every parent that looks like their life is all flowers and roses? It’s all false. Everyone has their issues they need to deal with.
If instead of trying to wrap it all up in a pretty box, if we could learn to be honest and share our problems with others, we would all feel much more relaxed.
They would realize they aren’t alone either, and they would be encouraged to share their problems.
The realization settles in that it’s not that your method is incorrect; it’s just how life is.
No one wants to feel like they’re a terrible parent. We love our kids, and the realization that we might not be doing right by them can be devastating. Our goal is to protect them from pain and struggles, and when it doesn’t go our way, our first instinct is to blame ourselves.
We can’t blame it all one social media, of course. If we look back on our childhood, we have moments where our parents have compared us to someone else’s kid.
It’s not that simple. It’s not something as simple as wanting our kids to get everything right. What is the reason for these thoughts?
Why is Perfect Parenting Important to You?
Let’s get into the thick of it. Say your kid never missed an assignment, had perfect grades, what would it do for you? Would you be relieved to know they’re going to be fine? Would you be able to enjoy the time you spent with them more?
Listen to the full episode of the podcast School Counselor Gone Rogue on iTunes, iHeartradio, Stitcher, and Pandora to discuss this further.
You want to be clear about the reason for yourself and your kid. Maybe the truth is, you’re looking for something to connect with them. Perhaps you’re looking for common ground.
When you look at the perfect life of other kids, what is it about them that stands out to you? You need to know what it is you want by looking at those around you.
Once you figure that out, it’s time to focus on yourself. Think of something that you do as a family that you think is awesome. It’s easy to point out the failures, but have you tried and look at the successes? Everyone deserves those moments of appreciation for oneself.
Celebrate those little moments where you managed to get through to your kid. Celebrate the wins in your life.
Then, if you are at a point where you can have an understanding conversation with your child, do so. Tell them what is your concern truly is.
It doesn’t mean they’re suddenly going to turn their life around you.
Take some time to mull over adverse situations. When you think you could have handled them better, but you didn’t, try and go to your kid and confess so.
In Closing
We aren’t perfect just because we’re adults. It’s okay to admit our mistakes, even to our kid. It’s fine to explain your choices and acknowledge you could have done something different that you’re going to try and approach similar situations with a clearer head in the future. Take the conversation from there and see where it goes.
You will find this method is far more comfortable to live with. Instead of continually asking yourself questions hopelessly, you’re analyzing a situation and looking for solutions.
You can think the other person has a perfect life all you want. But that will never be the truth. Parenting isn’t easy for anyone, no matter how much it appears so.
Your child could be going through their own version of the struggle, and by approaching them, you will be sharing and taking away some of the burdens as well.
Listen to the full episode for more tips and front line stories of the transition to middle school. You can subscribe to the show on iTunes, Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Googleplay, or Iheartradio or visit http://www.schoolcounselorgonerogue.com each week for the full episode (though let’s be honest, subscribing is so much easier!)
You can also sign up for the waitlist for The Organized School Year at teampasch.com/theorganizedschoolyear. It’s an intensive workshop to help your child create and implement an organization system that meets their needs.
Sign up for the waitlist here!
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Highlights
Understanding how parenting comparison impacts your relationship with your teen
How parents can avoid perfectionism
How social media leads parents to question their parenting skills
Book of the Week
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Marni Pasch| Host of School Counselor Gone Rogue| Academic Coach | Team Pasch Academic Coaching
I work with students in grades 6th and higher, who struggle with academic confidence and motivation. I help them survive school with less stress by helping them create concrete goals, tackle procrastination and learn creative study techniques. I empower students to take charge of their education and reach their goals. I do this through individual or group coaching so students achieve success in life, school, career readiness and their social endeavors. I provided in person academic coaching in Orlando, FL, but work with students across the country through Zoom!
