Parenting Self-Care when your Child Struggles at School
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What Parents of Children who Struggle at School need to Hear - Episode 067
As an academic coach, much of my work involves direct interactions with tweens, teens and young adults. What I have realized over the years of working with my students as an academic coach, is that parents are often as frustrated and lost with the school experience as their child.
When parents have a child that struggles at school, they must face their fears and frustrations when it comes to their child. The question I hear most often is, “How do I maintain the relationship I have with my child and help them at school?”
In this episode of School Counselor Gone Rogue, we discuss what years of working with struggling students have taught me about parenting teens and tweens. We will talk about how to take away some of the isolation that parents feel when they have a child who struggles at school because the truth is—you’re never alone as a parent.
HANDLING PARENT ISOLATION
Parents who have children who are struggling in school, or just not fitting into the school system, often tend to feel alone.
From the outside, especially when you see the social media of other parents, everything might seem picture perfect to you. It is quite easy to feel as if you are the only parent facing difficulties and trying to help a child who whose grades are nowhere near looking up in class right now.
Or maybe you have a child who is constantly anxious and nervous about school. Maybe they stay up all night doing homework and get ill the next day because they are always so stressed. Maybe they are studying so much that even as a parent who wants them to get good grades, you can’t bear to see them run their bodies down.
It isn’t a stretch to say you end up staying awake most nights too, equally anxious about whether your child is going to get through this semester in a fine state of mind and health. How do we break away from our own fears and concerns?
HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S STRUGGLES AT SCHOOL
You need to start a dialogue. It’s about time you contact other parents and have an honest conversation with them. You will be surprised to know how many of them deal with the same issues. You are not the only one who fears your child might fail. You aren’t the only one who has had their child talk back to them over a simple assignment.
In fact, as a parent, in some ways, you aren’t any different from your child. Your kid could very well be thinking that they are the only struggling. That everything comes easy for their peers while they struggle. Your child might be dealing with the same issues in a different context.
This is when honesty becomes important. There is no shame about having a child that struggles. There shouldn’t be a need to attach any feelings of embarrassment to it.
Parents have a tendency to think that their child’s performance in school is a direct reflection of how good of a parent they are. This is never the case.
This is why parenting self-care if a must. Your whole life shouldn’t revolve around your child and how they are doing in school. No one is denying it is important but that should not be it all for you.
You have to take out some time for yourself. Try to connect with others. Try and find things that make you happy.
THE FEAR OF HELICOPTER PARENTING
Another concern for parents is the stigma of helicopter parenting. No one needs to be seen as the parent that does everything for their child. This sometimes leads to parents wondering whether it’s okay to go and talk to the school or if the fear of being a helicopter parent should keep them silent.
On the other hand is the fear of teachers thinking you don’t care about your child if they don’t see you completely involved in your child’s life. It leaves you confused about your situation and puts you in this awkward predicament where you don’t know what to do.
Well, if you’re actually worried about being seen as the obnoxious parent, chances are you most definitely aren’t one. Helicopter parents most certainly don’t care about how they are seen at school.
However, we have to learn to strike a balance. Parents shouldn’t have to feel ashamed about being concerned about their own child. If you have a child that’s struggling in school, you have every right to reach out to the school and see what you can do to make things easier.
The school shouldn’t be replying glibly when you’re trying to help your child. You aren’t asking for special treatment, you just want to help. In this situation, you have to urge them to work together with you instead of accusing each other.
In Closing
Remember, your child is more than just their school. Your kid could be excelling at a number of things that don’t involve school and yet, you get stuck on grades. While school is important, don’t ruin your relationship with your child because of simple grades.
You can’t afford to forget how awesome your child is regardless of school. That damages your relationship more than anything.
It’s not an easy job helping your child through school and college. So, more than anything, praise yourself for trying.
Listen to the full episode of School Counselor Gone Rogue to learn more about how to get support as a parent when you have a child that struggles at school. You can subscribe to the show on iTunes, Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Googleplay, or Iheartradio or visit http://www.schoolcounselorgonerogue.com each week for the full episode (though let’s be honest, subscribing is so much easier!)
You can also sign up for the waitlist for The Organized School Year at teampasch.com/theorganizedschoolyear. It’s an intensive workshop to help your child create and implement an organization system that meets their needs.
Sign up for the waitlist here!
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Highlights
Coping with parenting isolation
Fear of becoming a helicopter parent
How to help your struggling teen at school
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Marni Pasch| Host of School Counselor Gone Rogue| Academic Coach | Team Pasch Academic Coaching
I work with students in grades 6th and higher, who struggle with academic confidence and motivation. I help them survive school with less stress by helping them create concrete goals, tackle procrastination and learn creative study techniques. I empower students to take charge of their education and reach their goals. I do this through individual or group coaching so students achieve success in life, school, career readiness and their social endeavors. I provided in person academic coaching in Orlando, FL, but work with students across the country through Zoom!
