Help your child Handle Constructive Criticism
Help your child handle constructive CRITICISM
Recently, one of my reviews questioned my incessant choice of 'kiddo' instead of ‘child’. It got me thinking about the difference between critique and criticism. So I decided to pause and percolate on this critique and my reaction to it.
The Difference between Critique and Criticism
Webster defines critique as a detailed analysis and assessment of something. It’s basically something you give to express a balanced view of a view, attitude or something else.
However, criticism is the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes. It comes with a feeling of dislike and a need to make a person feel ashamed for doing something wrong.
A ready example is an email I received which notified me of an error in an email I shared with my email list. While I appreciated the feedback, it made me feel embarrassed.
Unfortunately, there were no suggestions offered in this email, only a grammatical scolding. Offering solutions such as Grammarly would have been great; however, this email only pointed out the wrong. Since I’m often very conscious of typos, I didn’t feel good about that criticism.
So how do you address criticism and critique?
4 Tips for Accepting and Giving Critique and Criticism
Remove your feelings from the feedback
To really see the line between the critique and criticism, you need to separate your feelings from the comment. If you can separate how you feel from what’s said, you’ll understand what is being said and be willing to take steps to address it.
However, if you can’t separate your feelings from it (as it is with criticisms), take some time to let it sink. Nonetheless, try to always give comments that help people get better rather than merely feel bad about themselves.
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Give Helpful Followup
A critique always looks in two directions – the strength and the flaw. And it aims to offer a solution that works for everyone involved rather than just one person’s needs and personality.
When you critique a person, try to give helpful follow-up. This helps them to understand that you aren’t merely focusing on their flaws but you’re trying to help them get better.
Criticism, on the other hand, is cold and poorly delivered. It’s harsh and distant, and unwilling to offer any suggestions to help the person improve.
Consider your Delivery
Another way these two differ is delivery. While a critique is a careful assessment of positive and negative, criticism is often feels like a form of attack that doesn’t pay attention to the other person’s feelings.You should look out for your delivery when you analyze a person’s behavior or actions. Using the right delivery will allow you to use more the critique approach than the criticism angle.
Ensure that you soften the blow when you identify a person’s fault. Pay attention to how your assessment will make them feel and how it rubs off on their personality.
Be Open-Minded
When you receive a critique, it’s crucial that you pause to chew on it for some time and think about it. Thinking about it helps you to determine if there’s some truth in it and you can actually do things differently.
Being open-minded allows you to learn, become more aware, and take steps to be a better version of yourself.
An Example from my Academic Coaching Students
Writing Essays
Many of the students I’ve worked with find it difficult to write the exact way college wants it. Their sentences are often poetic and beautifully written but they often don’t fit the academic context.
My idea – focus on delivering academic writing since that’s what’s required of you now. Keep back the beauty in your writing, and give the college the fact that’s expected
Help your child understand that when their writing is assessed, they’re being critiqued rather than criticized. This critique of their writing aims to help them become academic writers rather than creative writers.
In essence, the facts are more important than beauty, and this should be explained to them clearly. When students understand this, they understand that there’s really nothing wrong with their writing style. They just need to fit their writing to academic (aka boring) style.
In Closing
Parent-teacher conferences can be difficult but you can maximize these strategies to help you achieve faster results. Don’t forget to join the Parent Lab to find out more ways to help your struggling child.
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Marni Pasch | Academic Coach | Host of the Podcast School Counselor Gone Rogue | Team Pasch Academic Coaching
As a trained school counselor turned academic coach, I work with students in grades 6th and higher, who struggle with academic confidence and motivation. Together we create concrete goals, tackle procrastination and learn creative study techniques. My mission is to empower teenagers to thrive in school on their terms. Want to work together? Contact me for individual or group coaching so teens can achieve success in life, school, career, and their social endeavors. I provided in person academic coaching in Orlando, FL, but work with students across the country through Zoom!